@TheHyyyype

texting and driving is the worst. i hate having to pay attention to the road while i’m in the group chat with the boys

@TheHyyyype

1995: oh cool, an online book store

2025: “please scan this qr code and take a brief survey in order to flush your toilet”

@TheHyyyype

fleetwood mac implies the existence of fleetwood dennis, fleetwood charlie, fleetwood dee, and fleetwood frank

@TheHyyyype

in ratatouille 2 we find out that the secret to remy’s talent was a flea named jacques who lived on his head and controlled him by tugging at his individual hairs

@TheHyyyype

tinting my car’s windows so people outside can’t see me eating soup

@TheHyyyype

whole milk is 100% milk. 2% milk is 2% milk and 98% also milk. skim milk is 0% milk but somehow also 100% milk. hope this helps

@TheHyyyype

when i was younger i was interested in rapping, but then one day a buddy of mine and i were rhyming in my living room and my mom walked by and said “i gotta run, have fun with your little poems!” and that was the end of it

@TheHyyyype

me: dave and i go way back. we served together for 8 years

her: oh wow. army? navy?

me: olive garden

@TheHyyyype

guy inventing chess: this is an allegory for the medieval system of monarchy

guy inventing checkers: hoppity hop, hop hop hop

@TheHyyyype

i was once in a long-distance relationship and she called me one day crying and admitted she’d cheated on me, and i should have broken it off then but i was young and smitten so i said “it’s ok, i forgive you, just promise you won’t do it again” and she said “no”