
texting and driving is the worst. i hate having to pay attention to the road while i’m in the group chat with the boys
texting and driving is the worst. i hate having to pay attention to the road while i’m in the group chat with the boys
1995: oh cool, an online book store
2025: “please scan this qr code and take a brief survey in order to flush your toilet”
fleetwood mac implies the existence of fleetwood dennis, fleetwood charlie, fleetwood dee, and fleetwood frank
in ratatouille 2 we find out that the secret to remy’s talent was a flea named jacques who lived on his head and controlled him by tugging at his individual hairs
tinting my car’s windows so people outside can’t see me eating soup
whole milk is 100% milk. 2% milk is 2% milk and 98% also milk. skim milk is 0% milk but somehow also 100% milk. hope this helps
when i was younger i was interested in rapping, but then one day a buddy of mine and i were rhyming in my living room and my mom walked by and said “i gotta run, have fun with your little poems!” and that was the end of it
me: dave and i go way back. we served together for 8 years
her: oh wow. army? navy?
me: olive garden
guy inventing chess: this is an allegory for the medieval system of monarchy
guy inventing checkers: hoppity hop, hop hop hop
i was once in a long-distance relationship and she called me one day crying and admitted she’d cheated on me, and i should have broken it off then but i was young and smitten so i said “it’s ok, i forgive you, just promise you won’t do it again” and she said “no”