@stop_sweeps_atx

thanks for your constructive criticism! i hated it and will be telling my mom about this

@stop_sweeps_atx

sure my tattoos will look stupid when i get old but have you ever considered that they look stupid now too

@stop_sweeps_atx

teach a man to fish and he’ll turn around and try to teach you to fish like he invented it and you’re an idiot

@stop_sweeps_atx

mom, dad i’d like you to meet someone, this is hornyboy12 he slid into my DMs to tell me he’s in love with me based on the highly curated version of myself i present online we’re gonna get married

@stop_sweeps_atx

a man in whole foods asked how i was doing and i said ok how are you and he said “it is beautiful in my soul today” and that’s why i never go to whole foods

@stop_sweeps_atx

me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless

my brains: buy stuff

me: no listen i need a purpose

brain: a purchase?

@stop_sweeps_atx

i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives