@wendchymes

I’m thinking about starting a car service for dogs called the Scooby D’uber

@wendchymes

If hackers really wanted to scare us they would post all of our deleted selfies instead of stealing our financial info

@wendchymes

My friend had her baby at home and I can’t even give myself a manicure at home

@wendchymes

My standards in my 20’s- brooding & poetic

30’s tall, nice smile, secure job

40’s – hmm I bet that shouty homeless guy would clean up nice

@wendchymes

Friend: I haven’t had sex in years!
Me: meh, join the club
Friend: I haven’t had coffee in 5 days!
Me: DEAR GOD!!!

@wendchymes

I saw a woman using a pay phone today and that probably means she’s from the future & trying to blend in but she got the year wrong, right?

@wendchymes

* kids arguing loudly about which one of them is my favorite *

– dog & I exchange knowing glances and wink as I slip him another treat

@wendchymes

If my boyfriend really cared about me, he’d stop being imaginary…