I’m thinking about starting a car service for dogs called the Scooby D’uber
If hackers really wanted to scare us they would post all of our deleted selfies instead of stealing our financial info
My friend had her baby at home and I can’t even give myself a manicure at home
Buys a cheap box of wine and parties like it’s $19.99
My standards in my 20’s- brooding & poetic
30’s tall, nice smile, secure job
40’s – hmm I bet that shouty homeless guy would clean up nice
Friend: I haven’t had sex in years!
Me: meh, join the club
Friend: I haven’t had coffee in 5 days!
Me: DEAR GOD!!!
I saw a woman using a pay phone today and that probably means she’s from the future & trying to blend in but she got the year wrong, right?
* kids arguing loudly about which one of them is my favorite *
– dog & I exchange knowing glances and wink as I slip him another treat
House arrest? Some people are so freaking lucky!
If my boyfriend really cared about me, he’d stop being imaginary…