How old people make use of canes:
90% shaking & waving at whippersnappers.
Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: Nope, payday isn’t until Thursday.
Scientists say North America is going to sink into the ocean but we can change that.
With a healthy diet and a little bit of exercise.
She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk.
I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches.
It’s not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER.
It’s the quality of followers.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that’s not your Ferrari?
How to be a Canadian:
1) Love hockey
2) Use good manners
3) Drink Tim Hortons
4) Live in a igloo
5) Hunt moose with stick
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee’s you’re buying it off of sure can.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
That’s your parents job.
My safe word is “insufficient funds”.