@Grommit56

No, YOU’RE the one who had an itch on your chest, reached in your shirt to scratch it and pulled out a limp dryer sheet.

Certainly wasn’t me.

@Grommit56

Ooh, sorry, I totally misunderstood what you meant by “Come at me, bro”.

I’ll get you a towel.

@Grommit56

Some of you are too young to remember taking pictures and having to wait for the bird in the camera to chisel the image out on a stone slab and it shows.

@Grommit56

Would an Egyptian doctor who specializes in the spine be called a Cairopractor?

He really should be.

@Grommit56

Ahh, the joy of being the obsessively punctual guy married to Mrs. Latetoherownfuneral.

@Grommit56

Local pub has a new special drink. The house lager infused with nitrous oxide. Yeah. They call it the Brew Haha.

I understand. It’s been nice knowing you.

@Grommit56

A one night stand where you make it clear you don’t want to see each other again should be called a Humpty Dumpty.

@Grommit56

I eat the fortune cookies and never read the fortune. Ever.

I just have a thing for really bad cookies.

@Grommit56

I imagine when you get to heaven they give you a box with all the sodas and snacks that vending machines cheated you out of your whole life.