@IGotsSmarts

She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.

@IGotsSmarts

Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that’s big enough.

@IGotsSmarts

My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.

@IGotsSmarts

If I could be a superhero, I’d be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.