@IGotsSmarts
@velvettusk I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts.
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@velvettusk 
@capnwatsisname Had to quit my Uber Eats job, turns out they keep track of how many orders you report “flew out the window,” and “all of them” is too many.
@1Happytwit Its raining, its pouring,
Working here is boring.
It hurts my head, wish I was dead,
I’m just gonna lay on the flooring.
@sbellelauren i think only bears should have the right to bear arms
@DALIA How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator
@GDUB18T If any of you are going Black Friday shopping this week please try and be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording any fights.
@SolelyB My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I’ve been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend.
@Boleyngirly What is wrong with me?!? Asking for a friend..
@Gupton68 So. I didn’t win the lottery again. If this run of bad luck continues much longer, I may have to consider actually buying a ticket one day.
@StanHels1ng I hate to say “I told you so”, so Im going to sing it.