If I could be a superhero, I’d be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.

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I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts.


Had to quit my Uber Eats job, turns out they keep track of how many orders you report “flew out the window,” and “all of them” is too many.


Its raining, its pouring,
Working here is boring.
It hurts my head, wish I was dead,
I’m just gonna lay on the flooring.


How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator


If any of you are going Black Friday shopping this week please try and be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording any fights.


My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I’ve been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend.


So. I didn’t win the lottery again. If this run of bad luck continues much longer, I may have to consider actually buying a ticket one day.