@cupcakelynda

A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they’re my age then I find out they’re OLD!! Like, THIRTY!!

So I killed her.

You Might Also Like

@dumbbeezie

I would watch the Bachelor if everyone who doesn’t get a rose gets thrown into a volcano

@i_zzzzzz

I can’t tell if a family in a movie is happy unless the kids are waking up their parents by jumping onto their bed and yelling about pancakes

@kariassad

The ending of platonic relationships is way harder because it’s someone looking at your personality alone and being like no thanks

@_NinJar

I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket

@kevinseccia

I’m against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal.

@huntigula

*Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers*
*his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands*
“WE NEED MONEY, DAMMIT!”

@joeislamo

Boss: I’m sorry but we have to let you go.
Me: Really? That’s not what these pics of you and your secretary said. They said I need a raise.