@Lisabug74

[at a sperm bank]

“Can I browse the clearance bin?”

@Lisabug74

The tooth fairy left an ominous note about coming back for the rest of my teeth.

@Lisabug74

Drama Llama is what they dubbed me in college. Not because of my theatrics, I earned the name by spitting.

@Lisabug74

A pile of inside out bathing suits can be found by the rotisserie chickens because I couldn’t find a dressing room at Costco.

@Lisabug74

My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like:

“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa”

@Lisabug74

I’m Mexican and Filipino. No matter how you look at me, I’m good at cleaning.

@Lisabug74

My cat and I made a best friend pact tonight. If I die first, he won’t eat my body. Or if he dies first, I won’t use his skull as a cup.