@Mardigroan

If they don’t teach the periodic table during it then they shouldn’t call it elementary school.

@Mardigroan

When he was very, very young the Greek philosopher was a mere Aristoddler.

@Mardigroan

The electric toothbrush battery died but luckily my skill set allows me to use it like a manual.

@Mardigroan

I washed my shirts and they’re hanging out on the clothes line. They know what they did!

@Mardigroan

Waitress: Here’s the check. You wanna box for that?

Customer: The rest of this sandwich? You want to fight over it here in the diner?

@Mardigroan

Not to be too political but liquid shouldn’t drip out first when you’re squeezing out mustard.

@Mardigroan

A shock absorber sounds like something you need for when you’re watching the news.

@Mardigroan

Plenty of tweets about normalize this and normalize that. Not enough about carmelizing this and that.