From the speed at which it’s spread I’m wondering if wordle is a symptom of omicron.
Shortcut
They say nothing rhymes with orange. I must be pronouncing it wrong.
Karen mislaid her phone and called a cafe we were at this morning to see if she’d maybe left it there.
Conversation on the other end of the line:
Person a: Have we had a phone handed in?
Person b: What, a mobile?No mate, a landline 🙄
When you try to tell a story but start getting anxious and mess it up, that’s a panicdote.
Cucumbers Anonymous
This sounds more like an accusation than a question.
Sheep
Double negatives are never not confusing.
Didn’t have my glasses on and genuinely thought this was a diagram of a chop.
[doorbell]
delivery guy: parcel for Moose Allain
me: oh, thanks
delivery guy: can I just take a photo?
me: haha yes, of course, where would you like me to
delivery guy: of the parcel
My 15yo just handed me this and apologised, explaining that he’s been contracted to kill me.
My 7yo son has learnt how important it is to spell properly after I took him to a sweatshop for his birthday, as requested.
I just accidentally dropped a bit of sausage on the floor and the dog immediately swooped in and hoovered it up, which amazed me because I had no idea she knew how to operate it.
Small ad: Discreet chicken road-crossing service. No questions asked.
An ape picks up a bone, contemplates it for a moment, has an idea, strikes his neighbour over the head with a satisfying ‘toc!’. And in that moment is born the xylophone.
Matt Goss
Most couples have at least one odd bit of cutlery in their cutlery drawer that they presume belongs to their partner, which is why it’s fun to sneak odd bits of cutlery into your friends’ cutlery drawer when you visit.
That awkward moment in the confessional when the priest says “Thanks for that mate. I’m actually the cleaner. Wait til the lads hear this!”.