@OrdinaryAlso cop: do you have a license to fish?
me: yes.
cop: ok you may go.
me: *drives away on my fish*
@OrdinaryAlso @OrdinaryAlso [at grocery store]
me: no.
God: no.
brain: eat a coffee bean.
@OrdinaryAlso an hour into The Sound of Music “yes. this is what music sounds like.”
@OrdinaryAlso surgeon: are… are you still awake?
me: man i got a lot going on right now
@OrdinaryAlso doctor it hurts when i do this *checks bank account*
@OrdinaryAlso brain: cactus.
me: ok.
brain: touch it.
me: but it’s sharp.
brain: i know but HOW sharp.
@OrdinaryAlso me: there’s something gross in my soup.
waiter: that’s your reflection
@OrdinaryAlso Your table is ready. Samantha will show you to your table by speed walking through our busy dining room. we will lose some of you in the process.
@OrdinaryAlso doctor: i’m afraid you’re dying of asbestos poisoning.
me: 🙁
doctor: but we’ll treat you asbestos we can.
me: 😂
@OrdinaryAlso director: ok. it’s ancient Greece.
actor: British accent got it.