@OrdinaryAlso

cop: do you have a license to fish?
me: yes.
cop: ok you may go.
me: *drives away on my fish*

@OrdinaryAlso

an hour into The Sound of Music “yes. this is what music sounds like.”

@OrdinaryAlso

surgeon: are… are you still awake?

me: man i got a lot going on right now

@OrdinaryAlso

brain: cactus.
me: ok.
brain: touch it.
me: but it’s sharp.
brain: i know but HOW sharp.

@OrdinaryAlso

me: there’s something gross in my soup.
waiter: that’s your reflection

@OrdinaryAlso

Your table is ready. Samantha will show you to your table by speed walking through our busy dining room. we will lose some of you in the process.

@OrdinaryAlso

doctor: i’m afraid you’re dying of asbestos poisoning.

me: 🙁

doctor: but we’ll treat you asbestos we can.

me: 😂

@OrdinaryAlso

director: ok. it’s ancient Greece.
actor: British accent got it.