You look like someone who keeps gloves in their glove compartment.
frosty: so…i hear this is where I can find a snowblower
“You can definitely fit thru there…just get a running start”
*trimming my nose hair in the mirror
You sexy beast.
HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with:
Not sure why my coworker was so upset. I thought an assortment of breath mints was a gift that would benefit everyone.
On a separate note…does anyone know how to get egg nog out of velour?
Apparently when your spouse asks you “what would you like your Secret Santa to get you?”, “laid” isn’t an appropriate answer.
Her: What do you want to listen to?
Me: You name it…I’m pretty eclectic.
Her: Great…I have Amazon music.
Me: Actually I’m not really into the indigenous stuff.
I don’t flex at the gym…but I will air dry to the Macarena to buy myself some space in the men’s locker room.
Suddenly all I own are skinny jeans.