@Stap_Jr If you’re bringing an acoustic guitar camping it will be used as firewood.
@Stap_Jr @Stap_Jr I think weddings should have a worst man too, like just the biggest piece of shit the groom knows.
@Stap_Jr The department of wildlife got back to me and said there’s nothing they can do about the size of crows.
@Stap_Jr When someone buys a new car I like to get them a ziploc bag full of gas as like a car warming present.
@Stap_Jr Cheetos are like baby carrots that you can eat.
@Stap_Jr Shovelling the driveway with a heating pad jammed down the back of my shirt, the extension cord attached to the house like I’m an astronaut.
@Stap_Jr Car commercials are so insane, like hey we’re going to the mountains to chase owls in our kia sorento, alright take it easy penelope.
@Stap_Jr Christmas inflatables are like college kids, full of life at night and face down on the lawn in the morning.
@Stap_Jr I’ve seen enough movies to know that when you wake up in a hospital bed, you rip all the cords off because you’ve got work to do.