@bacon_gillepic Fun fact: zombies actually walk normal when they’re drunk
@bacon_gillepic @bacon_gillepic No intelligent people were harmed in the reading of this tweet
@bacon_gillepic I’m a go getter
And right now I’m a go getter nap
@bacon_gillepic What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms
@bacon_gillepic Plot twist a clown family hired a normal guy for their kids birthday party
@bacon_gillepic All women are technically bodybuilders if they get pregnant
@bacon_gillepic A client on the phone accidentally said they love me before they hung up
Not gonna lie it felt good
@bacon_gillepic Person: you only live once
Me: that is the best news I’ve heard all day
@bacon_gillepic Stuffs more popcorn in my face*
Why don’t bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?
@bacon_gillepic Me: Your cat looks pregnant
Friend: Impossible it’s an indoor cat
Me: What have you done