@better_off_dad2

Joggers are going to be really pissed if it turns out we only get a certain amount of steps in life.

@better_off_dad2

Not to brag…

… but practically all of my arrest warrants are considered ‘outstanding’.

@better_off_dad2

Thanks to auto correct, my wife thinks I want to check out Stranger Thongs tonight.

@better_off_dad2

New smartphone: $1,000
Monthly fees: $200
Data overages: $75

Never talking to anyone:

Priceless.

@better_off_dad2

*Do you wish to send?
*Are you sure?
*For real?
*Have you been drinking?
*Really?
*What time is it?

~How my send button should function