@better_off_dad2 Moderation is good as long as you don’t overdo it.
@better_off_dad2 @better_off_dad2 Joggers are going to be really pissed if it turns out we only get a certain amount of steps in life.
@better_off_dad2 Her: Do you ever listen to a word I say?!
Me: Sounds like a plan.
@better_off_dad2 Technically, it’s not road rage once you pull into their living room.
@better_off_dad2 ‘I want to see other families.’
~Me, saying grace at Thanksgiving
@better_off_dad2 Not to brag…
… but practically all of my arrest warrants are considered ‘outstanding’.
@better_off_dad2 Thanks to auto correct, my wife thinks I want to check out Stranger Thongs tonight.
@better_off_dad2 New smartphone: $1,000
Monthly fees: $200
Data overages: $75Never talking to anyone:
Priceless.
@better_off_dad2 Me: ‘I miss you.’
The Point: ‘No shit.’
@better_off_dad2 *Do you wish to send?
*Are you sure?
*For real?
*Have you been drinking?
*Really?
*What time is it?~How my send button should function