Sometimes you just don’t realize you needed that emotional release until it’s over, you know?
my stomach full of six different kinds of cake: i hate u
Read that again implies that I read it a first time, which I most certaintly did not.
Romance isn’t dead it’s just playing happily on a farm up north.
I am open to recieving pizza. I deserve a life that is abundant in pizza. I surround myself with people who have pizza. Pizza.
Ladies, he’s not working late. He’s trying to steal the declaration of independence. Stay woke
Remember folks, the camera adds ten pounds – unless you’re good at selfie angles like me, in which case it subtracts 30 *wink
Going to church you guys need anything
Who do you reach for in the middle of the night?
me, thinkng about the bottle of tums on my nightstand: definitely you babe
Introverts need extroverts to push them out of their comfort zones, and extroverts need introverts to post bail.
My mom misses having young grandchildren, so once a week she picks up my dog and takes her out for breakfast.
not hearing back from people right away:
2002 – (two days later) They’re probably busy or out of town. I’ll catch up with them later.
2022 – (ten minutes later) ok clearly we are in a fight I didn’t know about
Think I’m just going to tackle the next man who holds the door open for me and put a ring on him. Like we’re married now buddy, congrats
I thought I brushed my hair before I left for work, but the mirror in the office bathroom has a different opinion.
Why are all the young female protagonists named Cassie or Lexi or Sammie? I’m going to write a book about an adorkable heroine and call her Bertha.
I’m awake but I object,