@broken_rhi

Crunching numbers would be a lot more fun if they made little potato chip sounds after each equation.

@broken_rhi

Autocorrect changed fairly big meeting to fairy bug meeting so now everyone in the office is stripping and running away to the forest.

@broken_rhi

It’s 3am and my neighbor across the street is sorting two garbage bins full of cabbages on his front lawn. Whatever gets you through the night, man.

@broken_rhi

Sometimes I open my dog’s giant food bag with a knife so she is impressed with my kibble hunting skills.

@broken_rhi

I’m tired of being the strong one. I want to be a noodle.

@broken_rhi

Twitter is a lot like kindergarten; there’s yelling, giggling, struggling with basic reading comprehension…and everyone is super excited to show you their toys.

@broken_rhi

I’m very jealous of people who can take selfies with their dogs. My dog is like OH BOY WE ARE SITTING TOGETHER I LOVE YOU LICK FACE FOREVER

@broken_rhi

I’m a simple woman. I don’t need fancy things like jewelry or sanity to be happy.

@broken_rhi

Bi women make the best comedians because we can never keep a straight face.

Thanks for following

@broken_rhi

My favorite question is “are you a real person?” and the answer is no. I’m a sewer rat who discovered an old iphone and is now using it for nefarious purposes. Hope that settles that.