Crunching numbers would be a lot more fun if they made little potato chip sounds after each equation.
Autocorrect changed fairly big meeting to fairy bug meeting so now everyone in the office is stripping and running away to the forest.
It’s 3am and my neighbor across the street is sorting two garbage bins full of cabbages on his front lawn. Whatever gets you through the night, man.
Sometimes I open my dog’s giant food bag with a knife so she is impressed with my kibble hunting skills.
I’m tired of being the strong one. I want to be a noodle.
Twitter is a lot like kindergarten; there’s yelling, giggling, struggling with basic reading comprehension…and everyone is super excited to show you their toys.
I’m very jealous of people who can take selfies with their dogs. My dog is like OH BOY WE ARE SITTING TOGETHER I LOVE YOU LICK FACE FOREVER
I’m a simple woman. I don’t need fancy things like jewelry or sanity to be happy.
Bi women make the best comedians because we can never keep a straight face.
Thanks for following
My favorite question is “are you a real person?” and the answer is no. I’m a sewer rat who discovered an old iphone and is now using it for nefarious purposes. Hope that settles that.