I wrote a Facebook status asking what’s happening in Young Sheldon and then unfriended everyone who replied.
[Plays air guitar]
[Dodges air panties]
Nobody knows how they got cats. One day you just have cats.
[Wine tasting]
Me: Yep. Wine.
Friend: Wanna go for a run?
Me: From what?
Did you ever wonder what happened to He-Man to make him get bangs?
Friday The 13th is only a horror movie if you care about teenagers.
Dean Martin: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
Neil deGrasse Tyson: I don’t even know where to begin with this
Before electricity, they used to give murderers the acoustic chair.
Married With Children is a hilarious sitcom until you’re 35 and realise it’s a chilling documentary.
My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
Donald Trump has all the resources to be Batman. Instead, he chooses to be Donald Trump.