If you know karate you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.
I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.
It’s world hepatitis day. Spread it around.
The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.
[Breaking up]
It’s not you, I’m just trying to focus more on Batman now.
Of COURSE the government would keep aliens a secret from you people. You can’t even handle different kinds of humans.
20s: I want to see the world!
40s: If I do all of my food shopping on Sunday I won’t have to go outside for a week.
Some woman is out there right now pregnant with Leonardo Dicaprio’s next girlfriend.
Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking zoom meetings for you. Stuff like that.
[Sits on chair backwards]
Now let me tell you about another “righteous dude” who had long hair and wild ideas.
I got a squished spider tattooed on the palm of my hand so I can walk around slapping people, no questions asked.
There are 2 kinds of twitter.
Band: Are you ready to rock?!
Me: I need to pee first.
We like knowing who the fastest person on earth is.
We don’t know why, or how this information will be useful, but we like to know it all the same.
Secretly the cops in Gotham City must be like “Seriously, Batman, if you want to use guns, none of us mind. We’re all cool with it”.