@cravin4

To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I’m sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.

@cravin4

Caesar: Et tu, Brute?

Brutus: We told you not to wear Crocs.

@cravin4

Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You’re freaking out the customers.

Me: Fake?

@cravin4

It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that’s when the sporks flew.

@cravin4

There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…

..Frying the bacon

@cravin4

I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”

@cravin4

Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…

.. Except at my house.

@cravin4

Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth

@cravin4

Pro Tip:
On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called
“The Many Benefits of Kegels”.
Is not a great idea.

I know this now.

@cravin4

Son:Dad’s trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet?
Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien