@cravin4 To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I’m sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.
@cravin4 @cravin4 Caesar: Et tu, Brute?
Brutus: We told you not to wear Crocs.
@cravin4 Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You’re freaking out the customers.
Me: Fake?
@cravin4 It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that’s when the sporks flew.
@cravin4 There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…
..Frying the bacon
@cravin4 I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”
@cravin4 Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…
.. Except at my house.
@cravin4 Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth
@cravin4 Pro Tip:
On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called
“The Many Benefits of Kegels”.
Is not a great idea.I know this now.
@cravin4 Son:Dad’s trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet?
Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien