@deloisivete

me: hey remember when we hid the stamps from the kids?

my brain: yup!

me: where did we put those?

my brain:

me:

my brain: ok, you’re never gonna believe this

@deloisivete

My 4yo was pretending to be a cat before bed, then meowed a few times in his sleep. Now that is commitment to a bit

@deloisivete

My kid got all dramatic and started a story with “in the deep dark woods there lived…a chicken” and now I need him to come home from the park and tell me the rest

@deloisivete

🎶 Never gonna get you out
Never gonna heat you up
Never gonna remember I wanted to eat you

-me, putting leftovers away in the fridge

@deloisivete

Didn’t realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered “sure is gettin’ tall”

@deloisivete

6: that’s none of your business

4: it IS my business

6:

4: what does business mean

@deloisivete

Can’t wait for my family to go to sleep so I can do that thing I like*

*eat the good cheese

@deloisivete

My kid didn’t like how his stuffed animal was behaving, so he renamed him Not-Listening-Ostrich, and I’m just over here wondering how to update some birth certificates

@deloisivete

It only looks like my kids are having popsicles for breakfast, Brenda, those are clearly frozen smoothies