You can just say something like “a group of chipmunks is called a cheek.” No one fact-checks that shit anymore
People falling down has become a lot less funny now that I’m in my 40s and can incur permanent bodily damage from like yawning wrong
As the wounded oyster mends it shell with pearl, so shall I mend my wounded ego with my signature homemade potato salad
The last couple years haven’t been ALL bad. Just look at the repertoire of potato-based coping strategies you’ve developed
I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I’ve learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff.
Mama said there’d be days like this, and also “knock you out” ??? I don’t know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.