I like to believe the Death Star was originally built for space billionaire gender reveal parties
Where’s Waldo?
*Leans in*
Buddy, the last person who came around here asking those kinds of questions can’t be found neither
So is this super moon just, like, our mild-mannered regular moon that took off its glasses?
Technically, the people tied to the tracks are the ones having the trolley problem
I get a cool lever
Man, I can’t believe 2019 was over 20 years ago
when u have no idea what ur doing but u don’t let that stop u
BOSS: I need you to put these coupon stickers on all the Pick Me Up boxes
EMPLOYEE: Do you care where we place those stickers?
BOSS: Yeah, *on the box*. Don’t make me repeat myself. Idiots.
PSA: Always be yourself
Identity theft carries a sentence of up to 15 years prison time
Dear Captchas,
I swear I’m not a robot, just really *really* stupid
“It says on your profile you’re part of an orchestra? What instrument do you play?”
“Gun”
By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
[future]
Kid: Grammar and spelling are stupid, dad! Why do I have to learn them anyway?
Me: Internet arguments, mostly