Me: I choose Truth!
Him: What is the most time wasting app on your phone?
Me: …I choose Dare!
Nothing scarier than a server who takes multiple orders without writing anything down.
I hope my family appreciates the irony when I choke to death on one of these enormous daily multi-vitamins.
*watches him dance*
*whispers* I’ve made a huge mistake.
Who needs a bull in a china shop when you have a 2-year-old contemplating Grandma’s figurine collection?
*replaces birthday candles with flamethrowers for fun*
*wakes up in Emergency*
*adds another woman to the stick figure family decals on this car window*
And now we wait.
OMG the land line just rang
OMG we still have a land line
After spicing things up in the bedroom, don’t rub your eyes for at least 30 minutes.
Her: I’m having a dry party.
Me: Sorry, I’m busy.
Her: You don’t even know when.
Me: You don’t even know me.