I was looking up Licking County Animals (in Ohio) because they have a litter of hound puppies I wanted to share but let’s just say puppies weren’t in the results.
Those are not the screams of an animal caught in a bear trap, they’re the bleatings of a dog banished to the back yard and rendering her unable to run assist with the repairman.
Seriously though, how do Gremlins know when it’s after midnight?
The person who named Red Delicious apples should never be allowed to name anything again.
I PASSED THE BAR!
On the way to work and I didn’t go in! Yay me!
The crows are royally pissed off about something this morning and I’m thinking about flying up there and joining.
Put my fitted sheet and duvet cover in the washing machine for a death match to see which one swallows the other.
There’s no graceful way to shove a chocolate truffle in your mouth during an important Zoom meeting.
I was not ready for the 70yo couple at the doctor’s office go from ones concern for the other’s low blood sugar to screaming at each other about talking too loudly. Right next to me in an almost empty waiting room.
If I could go back in time and choose you again, I wouldn’t.
“What if it makes me look stupid,” she said redundantly.
Fast and Furious 75: Tricked out motorized scooter racing in the assisted living bingo hall.
I was offered a brownie at work and when I opened the box, it was filled with brown colored letter E’s.
If a Zombie Apocalypse happened today they’d all starve to death.
The next COVID variant will be named Optimus Prime, followed by Bumblebee and Rachet.
There should be a dimmer on refrigerator lights so you’re not hit with full sunlight blast when you’re cruising for food at 3 a.m.
I found a pair of black rimmed glasses in my purse and they’re not mine and I’m worried Superman won’t be able to turn back into Clark Kent without them.
If you like being used as a giant Kleenex, working with young children may be right for you.
Don’t tell me miracles don’t happen, I opened the dryer door and there was nothing inside!
I just washed my car in my driveway and people sped up instead of slowing down.