I’m “don’t flash your headlights at someone who doesn’t have theirs on bc they will come and kill you” years old.
“Say TGIF ONE more time” I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, “Go ahead, say it again.”
For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once…
Our parenting style can best be described as:
Bad cop,
Bozo cop
“They say children learn by example, even for potty training.”
-I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn
Today, a man looked me right in the face & said “You’re not hot!”
Actually it was a cop &he said “Here’s your ticket. Have a nice evening.”
*sees cute doctor in scrubs*
*falls over* HELP! I need mouth-to-mouth!Doc: …
Me: Aren’t you obligated to help?Husband: GET UP!
Resistance training
But me dragging my kids into school.
If anyone asks, I’m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
As a responsible parent, I gave my kids a healthy breakfast of strawberries w/ milk & a little sugar…
frozen.
OK IT WAS ICE CREAM!
FitFam?
So many pants.
So little yoga.
I don’t mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?
“I should probably start filling this thing out.”
-I say about my son’s baby memory book on his wedding day.
*interrupts your heartfelt story*
Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say “dying wish” again!Ok now say “coffee”!
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill
Do it with mashed potatoes, then play keyboard for the aliens… I think my cough medicine expired