Marriage isn’t between a man and a woman. It’s between a person who is certain they closed the garage door and a person who is certain they did not close the garage door.
I get it, McFlurry machine. I don’t work when I’m at work either.
My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.
Dinner is a great time for my family to come together to tell each other exactly what is wrong with the meal I made.
Husband: *looking at the Amazon packages at the front door*
Me: My eyes are up here.
Me, in my teens: *tries a new hobby*
Me, in my 20s: *tries a new career*
Me, in my 30s: *tries a new burner on my stove*