@mommajessiec

A sense of humor is key to a good marriage. For example, my husband makes fun of himself and I laugh and he laughs. I make fun of myself and I laugh and he laughs and I go dead silent.

@mommajessiec

Mom, can you come pick me up? I’m at a party and someone is coughing.

@mommajessiec

The Roomba keeps going right past a piece of garbage without picking it up. It’s one of the family now.

@mommajessiec

Stages of home cleanliness:

1. Spotless
2. Tidy
3. Messy
4. Apocalyptic doom
5. Unsupervised toddler

@mommajessiec

Happy MOM THIS HUGE ASSIGNMENT IS DUE TOMORROW AND I’VE JUST STARTED IT to all those who celebrate.

@mommajessiec

My daughter still doesn’t understand this math problem even though I’ve explained it in several different frustrated tones.

@mommajessiec

Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.

@mommajessiec

Marriage isn’t between a man and a woman. It’s between a person who is certain they closed the garage door and a person who is certain they did not close the garage door.

@mommajessiec

I get it, McFlurry machine. I don’t work when I’m at work either.

@mommajessiec

My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.