@nattylumpo88

You do the load of laundry that you have, not the load of laundry that you want.

@nattylumpo88

The fact that the overhead camera in front of my office is fake doesn’t stop me from giving it the finger on the way out every day.

@nattylumpo88

Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg:
“The fat one won’t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?”

@nattylumpo88

I wish Kristen from finance would tell us her husband was an “attorney” one more time so I could feel better about shitting in her purse.