Wanna see my Oscar?
*knocks on garbage can lid*
Excuse me, waiter, there is a spy in my soup. It fell out of the balloon in the sky.
Pronounces it worst shit sure sauce.
It’s hard to explain to people who love Facebook that I am not on Facebook because of the people who love Facebook.
This red flag smells like chloroformZZZ.
“Experts” need to stop blaming that 2020 Halloween candy shortage on me.
This is my first Apocalypse, I don’t know what to wear.
If there’s a red flag followed by several more flags, all in different bright colors, you got yourself a clown.
That which doesn’t kill you better run for its life when you get back on your feet.
At the aquarium, I hide my hands in my pockets so the Hammerheads don’t see my nails.
*visits random websites just for the cookies*