@AmishSuperModel As I’ve gotten older, my “fear of missing out” has been replaced by my “fear of being invited out.”
@AmishSuperModel @AmishSuperModel Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!
@AmishSuperModel Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?
@AmishSuperModel If you turn your head back and forth really fast you can see your ears.
@AmishSuperModel Why yes, Autocorrect, I AM driving to work in a horse-drawn cabbage.
@AmishSuperModel Do people with insomnia know about Coldplay?
@AmishSuperModel Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there…
It was the bathroom…but still…
@AmishSuperModel Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”…
As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.
@AmishSuperModel Few people realize that before they were domesticated, the wild vacuum cleaner was the only natural predator of wolves…
Hence, dogs instinctive reaction to them today.
@AmishSuperModel The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.