@AmishSuperModel

As I’ve gotten older, my “fear of missing out” has been replaced by my “fear of being invited out.”

@AmishSuperModel

Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!

@AmishSuperModel

Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?

@AmishSuperModel

Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there…

It was the bathroom…but still…

@AmishSuperModel

Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”…

As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.

@AmishSuperModel

Few people realize that before they were domesticated, the wild vacuum cleaner was the only natural predator of wolves…

Hence, dogs instinctive reaction to them today.

@AmishSuperModel

The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.