@BeTheCookie

Yelp review: This forest is so full of trees you can’t see a damn thing. Also, bugs. 0/10

@BeTheCookie

Reverse cowboy is when you scatter the herd and actively promote bandits and wolves to take what they will.

@BeTheCookie

Judge: I need you to digitize all of my case resolutions and then make backups, on a remote server.
Law clerk: You want me to cloud your judgements?
J: You’re in contempt.

@BeTheCookie

Motel 6: We’ll leave a light on.
Motel 6’s Dad: You will not.

@BeTheCookie

At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she’ll need to get a job.
Is it 6?

@BeTheCookie

I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.