@BriarSlyMalice

NO…I don’t “make plans” because plans suggest INTENT…

…which is typically the distinction between second & first degree convictions.

@BriarSlyMalice

HIM: My new girlfriend’s name is “Bella”. That means “Beautiful” in Italian.

ME: It also means “War” in Latin…so good luck with that.

@BriarSlyMalice

SHE has the mouth of a sailor…

…that recently retired & started a new career as a trucker.

@BriarSlyMalice

I told my kids I’d rather they “pull the plug” than let me live in a vegetative state dependent on machines.

So they hid my phone charger.

@BriarSlyMalice

If you’re ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans…

…don’t worry about it. They’re too weak to hurt you.

@BriarSlyMalice

Believing that you are popular or “famous” on twitter…

…is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly.

@BriarSlyMalice

*climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world*

“When did they put a Starbucks up here?”

@BriarSlyMalice

If you’re ever attacked by a mob of angry clowns…

…go for the juggler.