@BruceForce

*spreads rose petals on the bed*

[Death metal voice] “INTERCOURSE!”

@BruceForce

Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human

@BruceForce

How to pick up a girl in a club:

1. Stare at her
2. Walk up to her
3. Shout stuff

@BruceForce

Some dude told me he’s had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.

@BruceForce

Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn’t shy and introverted

Alcohol: I’VE GOT GREAT NEWS!

@BruceForce

Day 1: Brad wears no pants
Day 2: Brad wears no pants
Day 3: Brad wears no pants

This is just a bottomless Pitt

@BruceForce

I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me