@BruceForce
@TheAlexNevil Parents: don’t give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
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@TheAlexNevil 
@sixfootcandy Me: I’m a mature adult
Also me:
@GloriaFallon123 When someone says we can do something “weather permitting” I remind them that weather’s not the boss of me. Snow or no snow, I’m not going.
@TheRealNickKay SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers?
WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ….Chicken pox
@OakHill_ ‘”I’m a healthy bacteria that aids in digestion”
– probiotic
“Ummm…. Pssssstt!! Dude… What’s a digestion?”
– amateur biotic
@vlowgoes My garden has produced some sick beets, some smashing pumpkins and some red hot chili peppers.
We go on tour in the fall.
@dog_feelings the human. who snuggled. my human. the other night. is here again. BUT. this time. however. they brought. my fren and i. treats.. we approve
@TrophyCatas Hope floats but corpses don’t, so remember: bricks or 25 to life.
Inspirational tweet.
@tarashoe well. like. what the hell does that leave me with then i mean cmon
@mdob11 Boss: Why weren’t you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past?