@Dawn_M_

My therapist doesn’t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.

@Dawn_M_

If I were a cashier I’d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.

@Dawn_M_

If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.

@Dawn_M_

Nothing sexier than when a man pulls you close, looks deep into your eyes, and puts a Babybel in your mouth.

@Dawn_M_

Astronauts wear helmets to hide their tears when they discover the moon isn’t made of cheese.

@Dawn_M_

Just want to be bitten by a spider without the obligation of becoming a superhero.

@Dawn_M_

*rolls over to your desk on chair*
So what was in that browser you just quickly minimised?

@Dawn_M_

During a zombie apocalypse, establish dominance by approaching the baddest zombie with the snappiest teeth and braid his hair.

@Dawn_M_

I wrote “except zombies” on my welcome mat so I know I’ll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.

@Dawn_M_

These people are screaming like they’ve never seen pompoms on an axe before.