My 12yo just ate four pieces of fried chicken and a waffle for dinner, so I assume he’ll grow a few feet overnight
By the time my 5yo is done with his dinner, it’ll be time to start applying to colleges.
I forgot my phone…
2005: I don’t need to be that accessible
2010: Let’s make this a short trip
2015: OH MY GOD, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE
If my 5yos are holding something when I buckle them into their car seats, there’s a 150% chance they’ll hit me in the face with it.
Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn’t get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
My wife never talks about the 99 times I watched her purse and didn’t lose it.
My 7yo lost his lunchbox, but he did bring home a giant leaf, so I guess we’ll just wrap up his lunch in that from now on.
Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you – from your parents’ perspective.
I’m so proud of myself. I went to Costco hungry and only spent $17,000.
“Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That’s all, so you don’t need to look.”
– my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious