@IamJackBoot

I respect the tenacity of the Jurassic theme park investors who won’t stop trying to crack the profit formula for making money on murder monsters who keep eating the customers.

@IamJackBoot

With dog videos it’s just “I love you,” but with cat videos there’s betrayal, intrigue, deception, hubris, conspiracy, infamy and occasionally “I love you.”

@IamJackBoot

I have no sympathy for people who leave their car doors unlocked then complain when they find me sleeping in the backseat.

@IamJackBoot

Popeye just relied on the spinach to turn him into a bucking mule or his hands into sledgehammers. He really had no fighting technique.

@IamJackBoot

I was jogging at night once in jeans when I caught up to an old guy at the corner. He was so startled he handed me his wallet. I didn’t want to waste all his fear so I politely took it.

@IamJackBoot

Diving is a sport cuz some people are really good at jumping into water.

@IamJackBoot

Cauliflower pretzels? Do you know what either of those words mean?

@IamJackBoot

You kids may find it hard to believe but there was a time when a new Star Wars or Marvel movie didn’t feel like a homework assignment.

@IamJackBoot

“You will be visited by three spirits. The first two will be a waste of your time but the third one, holy shit…”