@MaryKoCo

I’m not “rich.” Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you’re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still

@MaryKoCo

If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality

@MaryKoCo

Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL

@MaryKoCo

*Likes your fan page* *Hides activity from timeline*

@MaryKoCo

Pregnancy test that says, “Your cart has 1 item in it”

@MaryKoCo

This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen

@MaryKoCo

If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it’s almost not worth it

@MaryKoCo

“How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?” “How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?”

@MaryKoCo

Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It’s like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad