@Molly_Kats

I’m really good at acting like I’m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.

@Molly_Kats

A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.

@Molly_Kats

If you call & I don’t answer, I’m not dead, I’m napping.

– Things I have to say to my mom

@Molly_Kats

A Victoria’s Secret commercial will always come on when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.

@Molly_Kats

YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer–I don’t have any.

@Molly_Kats

What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to “like” Lysol on Facebook?

@Molly_Kats

Hey, people “liking” Walmart on Facebook – you OK?