@NYC_Blonde

My “snooze” button should just be called the “nope, no yoga today” button.

@NYC_Blonde

My favorite part of The Bachelor is when a crazy emotional girl starts crying and he’d rather kiss her snot-nosed face than listen to her.

@NYC_Blonde

That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy’s apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.

@NYC_Blonde

I’ve kissed so many frogs trying to find a prince that I’ve actually discovered several new species.

@NYC_Blonde

Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you’re God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!

@NYC_Blonde

The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN

@NYC_Blonde

If you say “I don’t feel good” and a pregnant woman says “Me neither,” DO NOT respond with “Yeah, but you chose this for yourself…”

@NYC_Blonde

Mom: Wanna help gift rap?
Me: In West Philadelphia born and raised on the playgro– oh you mean WRAP? Nah homegirl you’re on your own.

@NYC_Blonde

I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.