@SarcasticSadOne

I have yellow mustard, grainy mustard, dry mustard, mustard seeds, Dijon mustard, and horseradish mustard. That part of my life is in order.

@SarcasticSadOne

Standing by the stove, eating scrambled eggs out of the frying pan with a spatula, but in a sexy way.

@SarcasticSadOne

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you’re just a head in a jar in some science lab.

@SarcasticSadOne

Any movie can be a Christmas movie if you eat 37 sugar cookies while watching.