@SheMightHave

My daughter was pretty pissed that someone called the cops, ending her party.

Whatever, I needed some sleep.

@SheMightHave

OMG, shoot him with a crossbow one time and he never shuts up about it.
It wasn’t even fatal.

@SheMightHave

I’m not saying I got lost, but a search party did find me on the wrong mountain.

@SheMightHave

Sorry I hit you with my car over and over… but you kept getting up.

@SheMightHave

“I want you inside me,” I whispered to the tray of warm brownies.

@SheMightHave

*Looks up from phone.
“When did you get home?”

Husband: “I’ve been talking to you for the last 15 minutes.”

@SheMightHave

Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.