What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $85 steak?
I wouldn’t eat all of the Christmas cookies if my wife didn’t leave them out in the open, under the shirts on the top shelf in the back of the closet.
The last layer of skin finally grew back on the roof of my mouth from the Hot Pocket I ate in 1987.
New Year’s Eve would be so much better if it happened around sevenish.
Yes I can speak a foreign language if you count when I talk about the 80s in front of my nephews.
If you love Christmas music chances are you never worked retail during Christmas.
How about the people in fast food commercials look like they actually eat fast food?
I thought about buying my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.
Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. “Dan doesn’t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?”
Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant?
Host: Of course it is sir