@Whatevah_Amy

Someone just told me she’s been married for 791 days. Is she excited or counting down her sentence?

@Whatevah_Amy

Took an 11 year old to play golf and Ive now graduated from his butler to his caddie.

@Whatevah_Amy

The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.

@Whatevah_Amy

If ever a burglar entered my house, I take comfort in knowing they’d never get past the 17 pairs of shoes in the hallway.

@Whatevah_Amy

Apparently, saying “grande” in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.

@Whatevah_Amy

If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they’ll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.