I got plans this weekend. Release the sundresses!!!!
I need to do some tidying up around here so I’ll start with finishing this box of wine to free up some counter space
This man is very sweet with me. I’m calling the police
Witness protection program or abducted by aliens? I wanna get this breakup text just right
A man just tried to flirt with me at work so picked up a Daddy long legs spider and carried around it on my shoulder. He left and I hope the spider never does
It’s so foggy out right now that I feel like I should be telling someone about an ancient prophecy
Why don’t we ever talk about how there were aquariums EVERYWHERE in the ’80s. You couldn’t buy socks in a department store without seeing at least 40 tropical fish.
I need a hobby. I’ve been over on Insta, commenting ‘what kind of dog is this?’ On people’s bird pics.
If my bathroom scale were polite it would start off by telling me what a great personality I have.
My 12yr old just handed me his proofs from picture day but before I could open the envelope he says “First, let me explain”
From my 12yr old: “My mama so scary she went into a haunted house and came out with a Job application”
Some of you are boycotting sex the same way are you are boycotting owning a Maserati.