Everyone becomes a robo-dancer with their hands when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.
*a ship carrying pineapples gets wrecked*
Government: Housing infrastructure for SpongeBobs was delivered directly to them, cutting out all the red tape, and middlemen.
Them: Tell us something about yourself.
Me:
CW: What’s your favorite shellfish fantasy drama?
Me: Game of Prawns 🍤
He jumped out of the airplane wearing nothing but the hand knitted parachute that his Nanna made especially for him.
Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down
Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.
*Picks up a grudge, holds it up with a pair of tongs, brings it closer to his nose n sniffs it, examines it for cracks*
“Yes, this is still good. We shall hold on to this one for another four years.”
I hate it when pretentious people try to use big words to make themselves appear photosynthesis.
[Buys a popcorn and cola combo at the movies]
My Financial Advisor:
Being an adult is like being a paper clip. Everyone knows you’re twisted, but you’re expected to hold a lot of things together.
Everyone knows the correct use of a comma when it comes to your bank account statements.
Time heals everything 🙂
Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.
Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’
Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds.
Them: Ok, What about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: *narrows eyes and looks intently over the trees* Yes, they’re all birds.
Twitter is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
*feels butterflies in his stomach while going on the first date*
– guess I shouldn’t have run through the garden with my mouth open.