There should be a dimmer on refrigerator lights so you’re not hit with full sunlight blast when you’re cruising for food at 3 a.m.
I hate it when pretentious people try to use big words to make themselves appear photosynthesis.
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I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders.
Whenever you’re having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
if the neighbor kid is driving you nuts practicing saxophone you can complain or teach her Careless Whisper – maybe be a problem solver
Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that “Caitlyn Jenner” was not a valid answer.
3rd eye: youre on drugs
4th eye: youre a nerd
5th-7th eyes: ???
8th eye: you are now a spider
9th eye: spider on drugs
16th eye: nerd spider
You want me to work for exposure? The thing that killed everyone in Chernobyl?
Dear rock bands,
If I am at your show, assume I am both ready and willing to rock. No need to ask.
It’s ‘before’ not ‘B4’…
We don’t speak Bingo here…
How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but…
Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer.