
Eggplants do not taste as purple as they look
Eggplants do not taste as purple as they look
It’s so hot outside, Kermit just replaced Miss Piggy’s sunscreen with honey glaze
I picked up good pizza and took it to Little Caesars to show it what happens to bad pizza.
The emotional roller-coaster of catching the bouquet, then remembering I’m at a funeral.
Me: I’d like you to fudge some numbers please.
Accountant: First, that’s illegal. Second, this is your calorie counting app.
Sometimes when I see a baby wriggling in a highchair, I like to pretend I’m a Bond villain.
“You’ll find escape is quite impossible, Mr. Baby.”
8: you can’t make me go to bed. I know karate now.
Me: you don’t say…
Narrator: Daddy-Fu always beats Karate, even though the moves are mostly tickling.