Why, in the name of heck, do they call it a “fun-size” candy bar when the fun part is getting more candy, not less? 🍫😠
Why do people say “meteoric rise”? You know, meteors…those space rocks that famously don’t go up?
Parents: when naming a boy, consider using a king’s name, like Mattress or Burger.
Choose a job that you love, and your boss will never have to work a day in their life.
Don’t waste your hard earned money on escape rooms when you can simply walk into an Ikea the wrong way.
Running with scissors is stupid. Throw the the scissors ahead of you and run to where they landed. Repeat until you arrive safely at your destination.
Monopoly taught me that to become a truly successful property owner, I’m going to have to go to jail on a regular basis.
Recently I discovered when changing sex positions, it’s better to make the Transformers sounds inside your head rather than vocalizing them.