@lukeplusone My daughter’s birthday wishlist this year can only be deciphered by a much, much richer man.
@lukeplusone @lukeplusone I wonder if dogs have different names for themselves than the ones we give them, like “why tf he keep calling you Buster, David?”
@lukeplusone Giving someone the finger while driving used to mean a lot more when you had to manually roll your window down to do it
@lukeplusone I’m 43 years old and still ask if I’ll need a shot and expect a lollipop every time I go to the doctor.
@lukeplusone Voicemails that say check your email is why I prefer animals.
@lukeplusone Normalize asking the spelling bee moderator to use it as a safe word. Wait huh